The Many Deaths Of Various FMA Characters
by Immortal Horse
Summary: Every fictional character knows never to anger a fanfiction author, for they will make you pay with your life and/or diginity. This is the story of how bringing Fangirls into the FMA world became the Ultimate Taboo. Crack fic! Was called "The Many Deaths Of Frank Archer" Inculdes: fangirls, Moi with a kanata and you get to kill characters you don't like. SEQUEL UP!
1. Archer: death by kanata

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot.**

~The Many Deaths of Frank Archer~

-Death by Kanata-

* * *

It was a sunny morning in central command, but everyone could tell that something bad was going to happen soon…

BANG! The door to Colonel Roy Mustang's outer office was kicked open violently

"Hey Ch…" Havoc began to say; expecting to see an irate Ed Elric in the doorway, instead there was a teenage girl, her brown hair pulled back into a ponytail and a bazooka on her shoulder. Not to mention she was angry

"Where. Is. Frank. Archer?" she growled, glaring at everyone

"IH" Falman whispered to his coworkers, shaking in fear

It was at that moment when Mustang opened the door to his outer office "Hawkeye…" he began but then saw IH and he did what every other highly trained and skilled State Alchemist and colonel would do – he yelped like a little girl and dove for cover.

"I believe Frank Archer is in a meeting with the f…" Hawkeye began

"Bradley? Got it" IH nodded, she took the bazooka off her shoulder and starting walking down the hall her laugh echoing, making her sound more like a manic.

Roy got up "Is she gone?" he asked, gloves on, fingers ready to snap

"I feel sorry for him" Furey said, getting back to his work

"Almost" Breda sniggered.

OOO

If there were two things Lt. Colonel Frank Archer never did was run and scream for his life. But he felt he had to make an exception… after all, it wasn't every day when some crazed teenage girl chased him up and down the halls of central command with a bazooka.

But worst of all, everyone who saw her would pale; run away or dive for cover. Or all do three

"TAKE THAT YOU SON OF A GUN!" The girl yelled, firing the bazooka

Archer paled and dodged before running passed the Elric Brothers; he pondered the thought of ordering them for help but said bazooka went sailing past his head. Letting a sigh of relief pass his lips he turned around to see her with a Katana…

"Oh s…"he began to say but then ducked when she swung and kept running.

"Do you think we should help him?" Alphose asked Ed as they watched IH chase Archer

"Nah – he can handle it." Ed told his brother and the two continued to make their way to the colonel's office.

Archer ran into his office where Armstorng was in all his sparkling glory… no literally, Armstrong was sparkling.

"Hide me!" the normally unruffled man cried, diving behind the major

If Armstrong was confuse;, he didn't show it. For at that moment the door was kicked open and Armstrong saw a sight that made his sparkles turn grey, crumble into ashes and get blown away; an incredibly pissed off IH was standing there wearing jeans, a tee and holding a Katana.

"Move aside" she said so coldly that Armstrong was mildly surprised that the air around them didn't freeze.

Armstrong turned around "THIS HUG OF SYMPATHY HAS BEEN PASSED DOWN THE ARMSTONG FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS!" He declared, tears running down his face. He threw his shirt off and hugged Archer.

After a few seconds, which felt like an eternity to Archer, Armstrong stopped hugging the man and ran out of the room and IH made her way toward the Lt. Colonel, an insane grin gracing her features.

"W-w-who a-a-re you?" Archer managed to get out, paralyzed in fear

"I am known by many names, but you can call me…" IH paused for a moment "Your Death!"

OOO

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!" a girlish scream was heard coming from Archer's office, a few seconds later, IH came out, holding a bloody Kanata and back to her usual random self.

She blinked and looked at all the FMA cast just staring at her "He'll be fine in time for his next appearance." IH reassured them "All I did was carved his heart out. But if he isn't up for it; Envy can always play his role"

Envy grumbled and crossed his arms, peeved that IH would volunteer him.

"Now!" IH clapped her hands together "Who's up for ice cream?"

"ME!" everyone cheered and they left in high spirits, except for Archer, he was too busy bleeding out to go.

OOO

**I have MFS (Multiple Fanfiction Syndrome) so I am also working on a Pokémon Fanfic, so hopefully I can balance these two out. Anyway, if you haven't noticed, I'm making the FMA cast unable to die between episodes, and that means I can kill them and they'll be fine.**

**And now, an Omake**

**OOO**

**Omake, Ice cream**

Ed licked his vanilla ice cream thoughtfully, he watched as Gluttony tried to eat the ice cream man, only for IH to squirt him with water saying "Bad Gluttony!"

Gluttony sulked for a minute before Lust offered him a Red Stone Ice pop, which he devoured in a second before looking hungrily at the ice cream man…again.

"Hey short stuff" IH greeted him, sitting next to him

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO SHORT HE CAN FIND SHADE UNDER A BLADE OF GRASS?! YOU DUMB…"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO DUMB SHE THINK SHOES IS A NAMEBRAND?! YOU MIDGET…"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO TINY HE THINKS A FORGET-ME-NOT IS TALL AS A RED PINE?! YOU FAT…"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO FAT THEY NEED TWO HUMAN TRANSMUATION CIRCLES?! YOU LITTLE…"

"WHO ARE YOU CALLING SO LITTLE HE CAN PLAY FOOTBALL ON A SPECK OF DIRT?! YOU SHORT…"

Everyone gasped and IH glared at Ed "I'm not short" she growled "Winry, I need use of your wrench"

Winry handed IH her wrench and the brown haired girl smack Ed upside the head "I'm NOT short!" she growled "I'm FUN-SIZED!"

IH got up and looked at the golden haired midget, her anger dissolved and an evil grin "Oh by the way Ed, Ice Cream's main ingredient is milk!" she said in a sing-song kind of voice as she skipped away.

Ed's eyes widen as he looked at his colleagues "You mean to tell me I was _eating_ milk this entire time and NO ONE told me?!" he asked, horrified

Al nodded sheepishly and Ed threw the rest of his ice cream and it hit the back of Gluttony's head.

OOO

**Morale of this story? Don't piss off a Fanfiction writer. EVER.**

**Review your ideas on the next way Frank Archer should die! I am taking suggestions! So please review!**


	2. Archer: death by fangirls

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. I don't own the Miniskirt Army either.**

~The Many Deaths of Frank Archer~

-Death by fangirls' squabble-

* * *

There are many things in the world no one wants to see; the failed human transmutation of your mother, Winry and Ed flirting, Envy in jeggings and of course, a fangirls' squabble.

"Today we shall wear skirts with pride ladies, for it is the day we prove to those rangers that our Führer Roy Mustang is the greatest FMA character to ever be created!" IH called, gaining a cheer from a very large and organized group of girls from ages 14-20. "Who are we?" she called out to the crowd

"THE MINISKIRT ARMY!"

"WHO IS OUR FUHRER?"

"ROY MUSTANG!"

Cheers erupted from the group and they lasted a few minutes before IH called order

"Now I was going to have Roy say a few words, but Hawkeye said he's busy with paperwork, but we WILL get autographs! SO LET'S WIN AND WEAR OUR SKIRTS WITH PRIDE!" IH called and the crowd erupted once more.

OOO

Riza Hawkeye stared out the window and at the crowd that was gathered "We should put headquarters on lockdown" she told the colonel firmly

Mustang looked at her "s'not my call" he yawned

Hawkeye turned to glare at him "There are fangirls gathering outside sir and it looks like they'll fight."

That snapped Mustang awake "Lt.! Tell the Führer of the situation! We need to make sure everyone is inside and accounted for! Central Headquarter must be in lockdown within the hour!" He quickly got up from behind his desk and walked to the outer office. They had to hurry; for Fangirls were some of the most dangerous people in the world and if they were at war… well; the country might not be standing for long…

OOO

IH wiped the sweat from her brow; she knew that her dignity depended on her winning. If the Miniskirt Army was to prevail, she had to win! But the odds were stacked high against her.

"Farewell my loyal comrades!" she called out to the struggling girls as they fought "For on this day! This ends!" she took a bold step forward and a sneering, heavyset girl a year older then her took a step forward.

"So, this is the leader of the Miniskirt Army, Fanfiction division." She drawled "You've been giving my friends too much trouble and now we shall show you that Edward is by far the greatest FMA character to ever be created!"

"I'm hardly flattered Beth" IH shot back "But we agree that by this battle would decide who's right and who is wrong."

"For today" Beth smirked and the two flew at each other with a fierce battle cry – "ROCK PAPER SCISSORS SHOOT!"

"AW MAN!" Beth groaned; she had picked rock when IH chose paper "best of three?"

"You're on" IH shrugged, grinning like the Cheshire cat

But before they could go again, IH whipped her head around and turned to glare at something "Yoai fans" she hissed, glaring at the group of people who were waving "Make love, not hate" signs.

Beth cracked her knuckles "CHANGE OF PLAN GALS!" she yelled, pointing at the yoai fans "GET 'EM!"

IH nodded and pulled out her bazooka "TIME TO DIE!" she yelled, running into the fray

OOO

It was a terrible idea, but Archer _really_ wanted to grab a muffin before he reported back to headquarters. As he made his way, he felt the calm before the storm. Shaking his head as if to shake the feeling away Archer continued to headquarters, but then a voice rang out

"GET 'EM!"

Archer turned his head to see about a hundred girls, rushing at him with murderous intent in their features.

"Eep" he let out as he recognized a brown haired, bazooka wielding teen "not again…"

OOO

Looking back at the incident, Envy decided that THAT had to be the worst decision that he had ever made, EVER. He had been going around as Mustang when a large crowd of girls in blue miniskirts all tackled him.

"What the heck!" he exclaimed as he tried to run from them

"Murder! Murder! Murder!" the girls chanted and a heavy set girl stepped forward

"Envy, son of Hohenheim and Dante, you have commit treason against the Miniskirt Army and our Fuhrer, Roy Mustang. For this, we shall have your head!" the girls cheered and then IH appeared

"Don't you have any mercy?" Envy called out to her as he struggled to get the fangirls off him.

IH grinned wickedly "Not for the murderer of Hughes." she told him coldly before snapping her fingers, which forced him back into him 'palmtree' form "have fu-un!" she called back in a sing-song voice.

Envy could only gulp and curse the writers for having him kill that human as a huge battle ax severed his head.

OOO

**Well, that's finished… what did you think? I was watching the episode in Brotherhood where Envy killed Hughes and well, Envy had to pay. I plan to make his and Archer's deaths painful.**

**Moral of this chapter; Fangirls are SCARY!**

**Please send me suggestions! The 10****th**** review gets to choose the character that should die and how they die.**

**While I am not a member of the Miniskirt Army (yet) in real life - for the purposes of this chapter, I am the commanding officer of the Fanfiction division. When I say the rangers, I am talking about Resembool Rangers (Ed's fanbase), the Miniskirt Army's sworn enemies. Hope that clears everything up.**

* * *

EXTRA!

OOO

IH looked a tad bit gulity as Hawkeye tried to get Mustang out from under his desk

"They're gone sir" she soothed as Mustang whimped "It's okay"

"well..." IH told Al "It _seemed _like a good idea at the time, but now..." she only shook her head sadly "I underestimated them, poor Roy"

They sat in silence before Furey asked the question that was weighing on everyone's minds "How are we going to lure Ed out?"


	3. Envy: Death by Yoai fans

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. **

**I am now opening this fanfiction to other characters to be killed, when you leave a suggestion, please leave the way you want the character to die along with the name of said character.**

**Death by Yoai fans was suggested by **Cha0T1cPeace**, so many thanks to him/her! **

**While it was suggested that Archer be killed for killing Hughes, Envy killed him, so Envy pays.**

…

~The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters~

* * *

-Envy: Death by Yoai fans-

* * *

Shortly after the Fangirl incident last chapter; it became more of a taboo to bring fangirls into the FMA world then to preform human transmutation or to transmute gold. (A popular rumor was that the Elric brothers were gathering up the fangirls to use for the toll to get Al's body back –not like Truth wanted them anyway-.)

Archer walked into his office; he took one look at the paperwork that had piled up on his desk "even death doesn't stop paperwork" he commented to himself, after all, he would much rather be somewhere else…

"Sir?" his 'minion' (we'll call her Anne) called, peeking into his office "you have a visitor"

"Send him in" Archer told her, not bothering to looking up from the form he was signing

"Now why do you assume I was a man?" a tall blonde haired, blue eyed beauty walked into his office carrying a leather bag "now Frank Archer, as representative of the Yoai Fans United, I have a proposition for you…"

OOO

IH felt a shiver in the air as she crouched on top of the filing cabinets in Mustang's outer office

"IH?" Al asked as Ed went to turn in his report "what are you doing up there?"

"I am an invisible ninja" she told him seriously and before anyone could comment, they heard a cry of outrage from the other side of Mustang's door just moments before it was kicked open by an irate Edward Elric. Who had just gone in moments before.

In those few seconds before the door swung close, IH locked eyes with a squirrel who was sitting on the windowsill. The squirrel grinned evilly and ran a finger across its neck. Then, the door closed.

"They're coming" IH whispered, she looked around "they're coming for me!"

"Who is coming?" Al asked, slightly concerned

"The squirrels!" IH exclaimed, her eyes scanning the room "I knew it was only a matter of time!" she climbed down from the cabinets and ran out of the room, yelling;

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!"

No one even blinked, they just continued with their paperwork (they were playing MASH) until Armstrong came in.

OOO

Envy shivered at ran into the Fuhrer's office "Hide me" he hissed slamming the door closed behind him, and leaning against it. He would have been panting, but he didn't want to give Pride any ammo against him.

Bradley/Pride looked at him with an eyebrow raised "Why?" he asked, half bored.

"Yoai fans" Envy shivered and turned into a coat, a very ugly green coat.

Bradley/Pride only looked at the coat before leaving his office – he was no fool; if fangirls were after someone, you never, EVER got in their way.

OOO

IH stalked the halls of central command, katana in hand and muttering under her breath. When she passed Beth, the older girl quickly pulled IH into a nearby empty room that was much too conveniently located.

"They're here" the older girl told her "the Yoai fans and let me tell you, they aren't happy."

IH looked at Beth "what can we do?" she asked "you and your rangers scared Ed away"

"Well, you and your pyromaniac fangirls scarred Mustang" Beth retorted

"…touché" IH admitted, she ran her left hand though her hair "what's your proposal?"

OOO

Envy slipped out of Pride's office a few hours later, he scanned the hallway for any signs of life, satisfied, Envy walked down the hall.

"THERE HE IS GIRLS!" he heard someone yell, the homunculus turned to see a huge group of girls running towards him "GET HIM! MAKE HIM PAY!"

Envy only gulped and ran; he tore through the halls of central command as fast as he could go, which was pretty fast.

The homunculus made a sharp right and continued to run

"THERE HE IS!" another group of Yoai fans shouted from in front of him, charging at him

Envy swore under his breath as he was surrounded by angry fangirls and like last chapter, they pinned him down.

"Déjà vu much?" he asked the leader of the Yoai fans sarcastically as she walked towards him, with a battle ax.

"PEANUT BUTTER!" they heard someone let out a war cry as the Miniskirt Army descended upon the Yoai fans.

Envy only audibly gulped as he saw IH at the front of the oncoming fangirls, wielding her katana.

"RETREAT!" the yoai fan leader (we'll call her Annie) yelled and they all ran, sadly for Envy – he got trampled to death under their feet.

* * *

**What did you think? I finally have a plot for this story! All I have to say is it involves a lot of Fangirls, squirrels and Nutella. Not to mention characters dying and IH wielding her trusty katana.**

**Michelle: you put fangirls and the object of their fangirling in the same room together? Bad stuff happens. Hope the exchange between IH and Beth clears things up.**

**OOO**

**EXTRA!**

* * *

The first thing that ran though Lt. Ross's head was "what a mess" followed shortly by "I hope I'm not on clean up detail" as she stared in horror at the mess left by the warring fangirls.

Ross left the area shortly afterwards and told Armstrong about the mess in the corridor by Investigations.

Armstrong paled and quickly told Mustang that "the fangirls had struck again" followed by his [Armstrong's] shirt being removed and a hug of sympathy that apperently "had been passed down the Armstrong line for generations"

After being released for the hug of death, er, sympathy, Roy quickly dove for cover under his desk while yelling that his crew went to make sure the fangirls were gone –he did NOT want a repeat of what happened last time.

Meanwhile, Ed had just poked his head out of his heading place to see if the coast was clear, yelped and dove back into his hiding place where he remained mentally scarred.

"Brother?" came Al's childlike voice as a bun fell on his head "I got you some food"

Ed didn't say anything as he silently ate his food but a quiet "thanks"

"Don't worry brother, the fangirls won't find you in here" Al soothed "It's too obvious"

OOO

**Anyone get Ed's hiding place? Please review if you do!**


	4. Tucker: Death By Squirrel

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. **

**Many thanks to **Cha0T1cPeace **for the suggestion of Death by Squirrels and to **Kitten1313 **for the suggestion of Shou Tucker**

…

~The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters~

* * *

-Shou Tucker: Death by squirrels-

* * *

"_I heard from inside sources that the Yoai fans are moving into this world way too fast. I don't like it IH, they're up to something and we need to know, are you with us?"_ IH recalled Beth's words as she stood on top of a statue of Bradley. "_If they continue with that I think they're doing, this world shall perish before the storyline is finished! We both know what will happen if this world is destroyed before its time."_

She sighed tiredly and rubbed her temples "What? What are they planning?" she muttered to herself before suddenly seeing her target, she grinned manically as she climbed down to stalk him but just before her feet hit the ground, IH was hit with the irony of the fact that she controlled what she feared most.

* * *

Have you ever gotten that feeling, the calm before the storm? That was the feeling that Shou Tucker felt as he nervously glanced around his now abandoned lab before pulling the collar of his jacket up. It was a shame that he didn't turn around, or he would have seen small glowing red eyes staring at his every move.

OOO

IH grinned from her position as she watched Tucker leave the building "soon my pretties soon" she crackled insanely "We will destroy him!" she rubbed her hands together in childish glee

The only reply she got was soft chattering from hundreds of small creatures as they prepared to attack the Sewing-life Alchemist

OOO

Al was slightly worried as he walked into Mustang's outer office "has anyone seen IH?" he asked, glancing up towards the top of the filing cabinet

Havoc only shook his head as he rolled the dice "AW man!" he exclaimed, rolling his third double in a row

Breda smirked as Havoc put his game piece (a small metal top hat) in the jail square before passing the dice to the red head.

"No, we haven't Alphonse" Hawkeye told the armored boy "No doubt she's trying to get rid of the fangirls"

"Or bringing more" Falman put in as Breda grudgingly handed him some monopoly money

"I haven't seen her all day and we all know how much she likes to hang out on the filing cabinet." Al confided in them

OOO

Tucker sighed as he read over his next part, his next appearance would be in a few episodes and he wanted to be prepared. He looked around the hotel room for any signs of anyone being there.

"Tucker…" a whispery voice said and the alchemist looked up

"Who is there?" he asked, looking around and going for his gun, after all, he wasn't liked at all for killing Nina (even though he blamed the writers)

"…you have been found guilty of murder…" the voice continued "…kill him my pretties"

The last thing Shou tucker saw was a large group of squirrels with glowing red eyes.

* * *

**This chapter is very short, but it's to the point. Not much going on, my muse hasn't thrown any fiery rocks of inspiration at me…**

**Michelle: all shall be revealed in its due time... ...now that was OOC for me... Oh well, you'll find out about what's happening with Annie when the climax hits.**

**OOO**

EXTRA!

* * *

IH looked at Tucker's dead (for now) body and gave a loud sigh while running her left hand though her hair. She couldn't believe how he could have died; she was supposed to be the only one with the power to kill. Well, if you wanted to be technical, she could seriously maim because they [fictional character] practically had immortality.

"Alright, IH, what the H-E double toothpick happened?" Beth demanded coming up behind the younger girl

"I do not know Beth" IH told her wearily, not surprised at the least "I was just about to kill him, but somebody beat me to the punch!"

"This is strange Immortal" Beth told her "Very strange, there is only one creature who kills like this… and you should be the only one in control of them!"

IH nodded "Yes, but I only got here a few seconds ago! How could I have done this?!" she gestured to Tucker's body

"That's what worrying Immortal" Beth told her "now, we should leave."

The two girls nodded and left the building, leaving Tucker behind, after all, it was nothing a hospital trip couldn't fix.

* * *

**And done! What do you think? And yes to **Kitten1313, Michelle **and** Cha0T1cPeace**, Ed was hiding in Al's armor. **

**Ed wants to grow taller and reviews make him grow taller. So please, for Ed's sake, REVIEW!**


	5. Armstrong: Death by Pokemon

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. **

**This chapter is leaning towards the crossover side because of the use of Pokémon.**

**Many thanks to **In The Forest **for the suggestion of Armstrong dying by Pokémon!**

…

~The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters~

* * *

-Alex Louis Armstrong: Death by Pokémon-

* * *

Beth sighed tiredly as she looked at the IH's fact board for what felt like the thousandth time "I'm missing something, I just know it!" she growled and began to pace "What is it?"

* * *

"I'm ba-ck!" IH declared in a sing-song voice practically bouncing into Roy's office

"Where were you?" Al asked concerned, after all, he hadn't seen her for a week "And what are you wearing?"

IH looked down at her outfit, a simple white tank top with jean shorts and blushed "Er, nothing?" her statement came out more of a question and IH wanted to smack herself "Oh right! Wrong outfit!" with a snap of her fingers, her outfit changed into a loose white tunic and black pants "I was in the Pokémon world, had to grab some friends" IH shrugged before climbing onto the top of the filing cabinet and promptly falling asleep.

OOO

IH woke up suddenly around six o'clock when Mustang was preparing to leave

"You still up there?" Roy asked, his tone slightly amused as he looked up at the top of the filing cabinet

IH climbed down rather ungracefully and shook her head "nope!" she said cheerfully before skipping out of the room as she neared the end of the hall, a hand reached out from one of the rooms, grabbed the back of IH's shirt and yanked her into said room.

"We have another request Immortal" Beth scowled "I expect you to take care of it"

IH rolled her eyes "I swear, you're making me do all of your dirty work!"

"If you and your band of pyromaniac fangirls want our help…" Beth trailed off, giving the younger girl a glare

IH threw her hands up "Fine then!" she stalked out of the room and Beth tossed a paper ball at her head.

Scowling, Ih picked it up, soothed it out and as she read it, her eyes widened.

"Ah crap" she muttered, before stuffing the paper in her pockets and pulling out a spherical red and white object "looks like it's you and me friend" she whispered

OOO

Armstrong knew something was wrong as he carefully placed his sparkles into a wooden box (after all, those sparkles had been passed down the Armstrong line for generations).

"…Armstrong…" He turned around at the sound of his name to see a strange creature; it had a small, round pink body with long green sprouts, resembling the leaves of dandelions in shape, coming out of its head. It had big, triangular ears with dark insides, small arms and legs, and a tiny tail and beady yellow eyes appeared to lack pupils.*

"Hoppip!" the creature said cheerfully as it formed a yellow orb of energy between its hands and before Armstrong could do anything, a massive beam of energy was released at him.

"Hop! Hop! Hoppip!" the creature cheered as IH came into view

"Good" she said "Return" the brown haired teen returned the Hoppip, she put the pokéball into her pocket and pulled out an Ultra Ball

"Hydra, I need you!" She said, tossing the Ultra Ball into the air.

"HYDREIGON!" the Pokémon roared upon coming out of the Ultra Ball

Ih smiled and pointed at Armstrong "Dragon Pulse" she told the dark/dragon type. Hydregion's left head/hand nodded and her center head charged up a light blue sphere of energy before firing it at Armstrong.

"Thanks girl" IH told her Pokémon, rubbing all three heads before returning Hydra to her Ultra Ball.

* * *

**Well, that didn't take long to write. Hope y'all like it. Some of the suggestions I plan to use later on but I plan to use all the suggestions. So keep them coming!**

Cha0T1cPeace: **Bradley eh? *cue evil laugh* Thanks! Now I know who to use for the grand finale! MUWHAHAHA!**

Kitten1313: **Glad you think so!**

**OOO**

**EXTRA!**

* * *

"Done" Ih told Beth as she walked into her fact room (a spare office she had commandeered and covered with a large detailed map of Amestris, with dart arrows in seemingly random places)

"Good" Beth said, she pulled out her phone and fiddled with it for a few minutes before barking out to IH "Put Bradley on the list IH!"

Ih looked startled "We're going after the big cheese already?" she asked, writing bradley on a list of people that was tacked to the wall

"Later on of course, maybe after we dealt with the threat." Beth told IH "besides" she added with a grin "Fuhrer B*****d has a nice ring to it."

* * *

"Up already?" Mustang asked, looking at Armstrong "that was quick; it has only been an hour since your confirmed time of death."

Armstrong nodded and struggled to sit up "Strange indeed, Tucker was dead for a week before he was revived."

"By the way, Hawkeye found this" Mustang tossed a wooden box onto Armstrong's lap

"My Armstrong Sparkles!" Armstrong proclaimed, his eyes sparkling and the sparkles surrounded his head "I thought them gone! What shame I would have brought upon myself for losing the Armstrong Sparkles that were passed down the Armstrong line for generations!" the burly man suddenly shot up "let me give you this hug of gratitude that has been passed down the Armstrong line for generations!"

'Aw crap' was the thought going through Mustang's head as Armstrong proceed to crush his torso.

* * *

*= description of Hoppip taken from Bulbapedia

…**and that my dear readers, is what happens to the names you give us for the suggestions!**

**Remember Ed in your reviews, for he wishes to grow tall! (And reviews make him grow taller, flames however, make him grow shorter)**


	6. Sloth: Death By Zombies

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. **

**Instead of having an extra at the bottem, this chapter will have a "or it could have happened…" like in the movie Clue.**

**Many thanks to **In The Forest **for the suggestion of Sloth dying by zombies!**

…

~The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters~

* * *

-Sloth: Death by zombies, Take One-

* * *

"zom·bie_, noun_ \ˈzäm-bē\

1

_Usually zombi_

_a_**:** the supernatural power that according to voodoo belief may enter into and reanimate a dead body

_b_**:** a will-less and speechless human in the West Indies capable only of automatic movement who is held to have died and been supernaturally reanimated

2

_a_**:** a person held to resemble the so-called walking dead; _especially_**:** automaton

_b_**:** a person markedly strange in appearance or behavior

3

**:** a mixed drink made of several kinds of rum, liqueur, and fruit juice" (M-W dictionary)

OR someone who is half awake in the early morning

The mess hall was surprisingly empty, except for the early birds and IH. Speaking of our favorite, er, um, well, _assassin_, she was sitting at a table by herself grumbling under her breath. Everyone who knew what's good for them steered clear of her.

Maybe it was the katana on her lap, or her bazooka on the table. Or maybe it was because just five minutes before, Hughes had tried to show her pictures of Elicia. It was only because of his fast reflexes that Hughes wasn't in the hospital at the current moment. But nobody wanted to be near her. When the story was recounted later, everyone in the mess hall swore it was self-preservation, but no one believed them.

OOO

Sloth wanted to groan and complain as she entered the mess hall; Dante wanted IH for some reason (not like Sloth cared) and she had been assigned (she had lost the game of Rock Paper Scissors to Envy) the task.

Not really noticing the wide berth the soldiers had given IH, or the fact that when she was approaching the girl, they were giving her pitying looks.

It barely registered when a soldier called out "We'll send you flowers"

"Immortal Horse" Sloth said smoothly "the Furhur…" she couldn't even finish because at that moment, IH's katana pierced the homunculus' heart.

IH didn't say anything as she pulled the katana out and wiped the blade of Sloth's jacket. Everyone quickly vacated the mess hall until IH got her hot chocolate.

* * *

**Finished, wow, that's pitfully short. Oh well, time for PART TWO! This next part was inspired somewhat by **LeFay Strent**'s "**Zombie Central**"**

* * *

-Sloth: Death by Zombies, Take Two-

* * *

IH was beyond panic as she burst into Mustang's office (she seemed to be doing that a lot lately) "ohmew!ohmew!ohmew!ohmew!" she cried out in sheer panic as she ran around in circles "WE'RE GONNA DIIIIEEEEE!"

Nobody even batted an eye

IH stopped suddenly as she crashed into Al, she fell and laid there, sprawled on the ground, her eyes swirly "did anyone get the number of the truck that ran into me?" she slurred, still dizzy from the impact.

"Are you okay?" Al asked, turning around and looking at the brown haired teen

"I'm fine" she slurred before getting up "why are there two of you Al?"

"There's only one of me" the armored boy told her, confusion in his voice "are you okay?"

"Me? I'm fine, but the world might not be." IH told him, she glanced towards the door worriedly

"What happened?" Ed asked, coming over, his golden eyes bearing into IH's grey orbs

"We're GONNA DIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!" IH cried out in near hysterics again "a horrible, horrible death!"

Looking back at that day, everyone agreed that IH was NOT crying (weather or not the threat of her katana to the heart was involved or not was another matter entirely)

"Why?" Al asked

"Zombies! I saw a freakin', honest-to-goodness zombie! AND HE'S GONNA EAT OUR BRAINS! AND WE'RE GONNA DIIIIEEEEE!" IH repeated, her voice going higher as she continued to panic

Ed and Al only stared at her

"I think you're reading too many horror novels" Ed offered his opinion

IH glared at him, before grabbing his braid ("HEY!" and indigent Ed yelped) and dragging him to the mess hall, where Frank Archer was sitting there, calmly drinking a cup of coffee and beside his mug was a strange drink.

"IH?" Ed said carefully "That's Archer and he's not a zombie."

"Not him! THAT!" IH whispered, pointing to the drink. Seeing that Ed was giving her The Look* (the look that she swore up and down that was reserved for her, the look one would give when suggested that the sky wasn't blue –it was lime green) Ih walked over to where Archer was and stole the drink from under his nose.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" IH crackled as she raced down the halls of central command, the drink in hand. Until she tripped on a snag in the carpet and the drink was spilled all over Sloth.

"Oops?" IH offered before racing off. Sloth could reply because she had a horrible allergic reaction to the fruit juice in the drink which caused swelling in her throat which caused her to suffocate and die.

* * *

**Well, that was fun. Notice I did put M-W's definition of Zombie up, so yeah… I had troubles figuring out a way for Sloth to be killed by an animated dead person, so I did the other definition. **

**One of my ideas was to put Archer in a bright pink tutu and a Yoai tee… didn't work out that way. Though, if you have a oneshot idea about how Sloth got killed by a zombie, feel free to write and publish it – as long as you give **In The Forest** credit for coming up with the idea.**

***= ah yes, The Look, my siblings give that to me a lot, though I can't imagine why… crazy is only one step next to genius.**


	7. Lust: Death by Gluttony Falling on Her

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. **

**Many thanks to **Cha0T1cPeace **for the suggestion of Lust dying by Gluttony's hand (or should I say backside?)!**

…

~The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters~

* * *

-Lust: death by Gluttony falling on her-

* * *

Beth swore under her breath as she surveyed the damage done in an unknown attack "They're getting bold" she muttered "trying to draw us out"

"I see you caught on soon enough" IH said from beside the older girl "I agree with you, they're getting bold"

"We should make something public; draw them like a moth to a flame." Beth handed IH a slip of paper

"But we need to be careful, because flames burn." IH told her, before disappearing into the night

* * *

Dante couldn't believe her eyes as she entered the room – all the homunculi were balanced on each other's shoulders, going from; Pride, Envy, Sloth, Greed, Wrath and Gluttony, with Lust at the bottom, preparing to climb up.

"Will someone please tell me what the heck is going on?" Dante snapped, a vein twitching

"HELLO!" IH chirped from behind Greed, she poked her head out "Miss me?"

"GET HER!" Dante yelled, pointing at IH and losing her cool.

"Now that will never do" IH kicked the back of Greed's knees, which caused him to buckle and cause the weight to be unbalanced.

"TIMBER!" IH called out as all the Homunculi fell, Gluttony landing on Lust, crushing her skull, which killed her.

Dante glared slightly at the pile of groaning homunculi, and a grinning author. "Honestly" she snapped "You lot are as bad as any human!"

IH frowned "what's wrong with being a human?" she looked at Dante, using the infamous kicked puppy look.

"Humans are weak and disgusting." Envy piped from under Wrath

IH only kicked his head in retaliation and was about to reply when a bomb rolled into the room. IH's eyes widen "Ohcrap! Ohcrap! Ohcrap!" the brown haired girl yelled before taking off.

OOO

"Was that really necessary?" Beth asked as they stood outside the homunculi's lair, nearly losing her balance due to the aftershocks

"Yup" the girl next to her nodded her head, her brown hair covering her ice blue eyes and she pulled out another bomb "bombs are the best way to get anyone's attention!"

"ARE YOU CRAZY?!" IH fumed, marching up to the two girls "you could have blown our cover!"

The girl holding the bomb only shrugged "it worked"

IH's face paled as she took in the newest member "PurpleMonkey, leader of the Crimson Destroyers!" she stated, feeling an impeding headache "we're _soooooo_ doomed1 Did we fall so far that we had to recuit them? They're just a bunch of expolsion-happy fangirls!"

"Well, you're just a bunch of pyromaniac fangirls!" PurpleMonkey retorted

"Well, you're no better!"

"I can't be worse then you pyromaniacs!"

"Bomb-happy!"

"Alchemy freaks!" Beth put in before the two revealed their location "Stop all this fighting! Honestly! Is it too much to ask if you can get along?"

"Yes!" was the shared response. Both girls glaring at each other

Beth rubbed her temples before handing them each a piece of paper "this is your next assignment. I expect you'll do it _together_!" she stressed the last word, seeing how the two loathed each other.

A glare was their only reply

* * *

**Finished! What did you think? Good? Pretty short I know, but the point is across. I thank **PurpleMonkeyCAY **for her OC, PurpleMonkey, who is the leader of a fanbase and her and IH hate each other's guts. Can you guess who fanbase the Crimson Destroyers are?**

* * *

**EXTRA! (I do not own The Mysterious Ticking Noise by ThePotterPuppetPals)**

* * *

Ih wandered out into the ballroom when a ticking noise started in the background, confused, IH looked around "I wonder…" she mused, before a silly grin formed on her features "Horse, horse, Immortal Horse" she sang in tune to the ticking "horse, horse, Immortal Horse"

"ARMSTRONG!" Armstrong cried, suddenly appearing and chasing Ih around the room

"Horse, horse, immortal horse" Ih called back, chanting in the background as she dodged Armstrong's attempts to hug her

"ARMSTRONG!" the burly man who add every so often

"Solf, Solf, Solf. J Kimblee" Kimblee said, coming out of the shadows, he grinned and continued, looking in amusement at the chaos going around him

"Al-phonse, Al-phonse, Al-phonse" Al sang walking into the room holding a kitty

"Edward Elric, I'm Edward Elric, Edward Elic, OOO, I'm Edward Elric." Ed sang, transmuting a staue of him

Ih stopped running and marched over to Edward "horse!" she growled

"Edward!" he responded

"HORSE!

"EDWARD!"

"HORSE"

"EDWARD"

"ARMSTRONG!" Armstrong yelled, hugging them both

"Al-ponse" Al sang, breaking the silence that befell them.

IH freed herself from Armstrong embrace as they sang "SING A SONG! ALL DAY LONG AT CENTRAL!"

It was at that moment when Alponse piped up "I found the source of the mysterious ticking noise! It's a pipe bomb!"

"YAY!" everyone but Edward and IH cheered and much too conveniently, the bomb exploded.

"MUWHAHAHA!" there came an evil laugh and a Yoai fan appeared

"Yoai fan, Yoai fan, ooo, Yoai, Yoai, Yoai fan!" she sang.

* * *

**Remember, Ed is still short, please review to help him grow!**


	8. Tucker, Envy: Death by Fangirl Explosive

**This story's climax is coming soon, so I WILL NOT BE ACCEPTING ANYMORE SUGGESTIONS! SEE THE BOTTEM AN FOR MORE DETAILS!**

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. **

**The Crimson Destroyers are NOT (as far as I know) an official fanbase for Kimblee, or his voice actor. They are COMPLETELY MADE UP! If anyone knows the official fanbase for Kimblee's voice actor, please let me know! Everyone got it?**

**Alright, I know someone mentioned Envy and tucker dying by fangirls and explosions, but for the life of me I can't fins where! So if you I give thee many thanks!**

…

~The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters~

* * *

-Envy and Shou Tucker: death by fangirl explosives -

* * *

Beth sighed once more, sometimes it seemed like she was the only sane one – PurpleMonkey was random and explosion-happy, like Explosivo or Crazy Harry* And IH, was, well, IH, there just wasn't any words to describe her, crazy, random were a good start.

The older girl groaned and looked over the map, studying it. She frowned "There's something I'm missing" she muttered, thinking out loud "Something important, but what?"

"How are we going to do this?" IH asked, stopping PurpleMonkey in her tracks "I would prefer if we had a plan"

PurpleMonkey shrugged "easy, we go in and blow everything up" she grinned wildly and rubbed her hands together.

IH looked taken aback "We can't do that!" she protested, waving her arms around "we could kill the wrong person!"

"So? They won't be dead for long" PurpleMonkey waved her hand dismissively "besides, I've been _dying_ for a good explosion for _ages_"

* * *

IH groaned as they stood on the roof of the Tucker Mansion "No, we were told to use fangirls and explosions!"

"So? We turn the fangirls into bombs!"

It was now that Immortal Horse was reminded just why she didn't get along with PurpleMonkey – that girl was CRAZY! Well, that was hypocritical because IH herself was crazy, but PurpleMonkey took the cake and blew it up into a million pieces.

"You shall not touch any of the Miniskirt Army!" IH hissed, growling at the brown haired girl

"Of course not, I was thinking we could use the Resembool Rangers" PurpleMonkey said, grinning at the leader of the Miniskirt Army

IH grinned back "anything to annoy Beth, let's go steal us some fangirls!"

OOO

Envy was starting to freak out, wherever he went; there was a hat on the floor. Not just any hat, a straw fedora which Envy knew belonged to IH.

Looking behind him to see if anyone was there, Envy walked into the office. Where IH's hat laid there innocently on the floor – mocking him ruthlessly

"THAT"S IT HAT!" Envy yelled pointing at the hat accusingly "I'VE HAD IT!" he glared at the hat before storming off.

OOO

PurpleMonkey cackled as a large explosion took out a good chuck of Central Command "soon my pretty" she purred, stoking a detonator "soon"

OOO

IH grinned evilly as she watched Shou Tucker she glanced at the terrified fangirl next to her, all tussled up like a turkey.

"Don't worry, you won't die" was the last words IH told the fangirl before tossing her on Shou Tucker and quickly leaving the area.

The last thing the fangirl thought, before the bomb exploded was "I did NOT sign up for this!"

* * *

**Yes, IH has a habit of killing people and PurpleMonkey is psycho. But sorry it took forever, my muse decided to go on strike…**

* * *

EXTRA!

* * *

IH dived into a pile of scraps of paper "where is it? Where is it?" she nearly yelled after coming up for air

"Where is what?" Beth asked coming into the room with a mug of coffee

"The request sheet for Tucker and Envy being killed via fangirls and explosions!" IH really wanted to pull out her hair and she drove back into the paper

Beth took a sip of her drink "Last I saw, PurpleMonkey had it"

IH quickly stood up, the papers scattering "really? Then" with some dramatic music, IH stuck a pose and held her katana over her head and proclaimed in a loud dramatic voice "Then I must go on a quest of epic proportions to find PurpleMonkey and that scrap of paper! To start, I know not where…"

Beth slurped "just follow the trail of most destruction"

An aura of sadness surrounded IH "Why?" she moaned "why?"

Beth rolled her eyes at IH's dramatics

"If you keep rolling your eyes, they'll roll right out of your head" IH told Beth cheekily, a complete 180 of her a few minutes ago

"Oh grow up" Beth told her

IH pondered for a moment before stating "I've heard of people growing up, but I haven't seen anyone do it."

"If you don't grow up, you'll remain a midget!" Beth retorted

…

Somewhere else, our favorite midget sneezed

…

* * *

IH grumbled to herself, after Beth kicked her out of the Idea Room, the brunette had no idea what to do and looking for PurpleMonkey was already boring

"How come nothing happens on a Sunday?" IH grumbled kicking at a pebble she glanced around and stiffened almost immediately – she had no idea where she had wandered off to.

"Crap! Crap!" the brown haired girl turned to see nothing worthwhile. Deciding to take a chance; she slipped into the nearest ally to try to find some way of getting onto a roof. But waiting for her was a hooded person with a knife in his hand

The last thing she saw was glowing red eyes before it all went black and she knew no more.

* * *

**To quote one of my fav cartoon characters; "Ain't I a stinker?"**

**Yes, I will not be accepting any more suggestions… for now, however, once the plot is done I am thinking of continuing with the basic idea [killing characters via request] like a post-game story or freeplay. But no more until after the plot is done.**

**I won't be able to write for a week since I'll be out of town.**

***= I love Izzy from the Total Drama series! But I do not own the name, same with Crazy Harry from Muppets**


	9. Tucker: Death by Katana

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. **

**Many thanks to **the soul alchemist 15** for suggesting tucker's death by katana!**

…

~The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters~

-Shou Tucker: death by katana -

* * *

Beth was worried; she had been watching the ending of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood when it had hit her. The heavy set girl had rushed back into her bedroom and pulled out a map of Central she had nicked.

The leader of the Resembool Rangers (Fanfiction division) cursed under her breath as she stared at the map she had just finished marking.

"Ooohhh this is bad" Beth muttered, her eyes widening "I have to get back!"

* * *

PurpleMonkey stared at IH's katana in her left hand, IH had gone missing and Beth needed a break so it was left to PurpleMonkey to kill Tucker… with a katana.

"I don't even know how to use this thing!" the brown haired girl wanted to yell into the sky. But she groaned and hefted the sword up "you so owe me for this IH" she muttered before walking down the hall.

As PurpleMonkey was on her way to kill Tucker again, little did she know that the gears of some greater plot were being turned.

* * *

IH groaned as she came to "Did anyone get the number of that truck who just hit me?" she groaned and tried to open her eyes, but everything was dark.

IH frowned in concentration as she tried to use her Authoress Powers to free herself

"That's not going to work Immortal Horse" a soft voice came, IH stopped trying to use her powers and called out

"Who are you?! Show yourself!"

An eerie chuckle was her only answer "That is not your place to ask me Immortal Horse. Besides, you are not in a place to demand because I know your True Name… I wonder what would happen if I slipped it to the Homunculi…"

IH felt the color leave her face "You wouldn't dare…" she breathed

"Names have power; you of all people should know this Immortal Horse."

IH glared at the speaker, or at least where she thought the speaker was "When I'm free, you better believe that I'm going to hunt you down" she snarled

To this day, IH would swear that she could see a smirk despite everything being pitch black "But if you do, THEY will surely find you Immortal Horse."

* * *

PurpleMonkey glared at the man lying in front of her. She looked at the katana and then back at Shou Tucker.

"I hate you" She told the unconscious man "I hate you so much. It's your own stupid fault for turning your own flipping daughter into a chimera and I hate the fact that I have to kill you with this katana instead of blowing you up."

PurpleMonkey glared at Tucker before sighing "I can't do this, in less I'm mad… gotta find someone to piss me off…" she grumbled before putting Tucker in a sack and dragging him off to somewhere.

But as she was climbing on top of a warehouse, she caught her arch nemesis, Annie's voice. PurpleMonkey frowned and stopped, listening to what she was saying.

"…Of course, do you understand the plan?"

"Yes, are you sure it will work?" PurpleMonkey nearly gasped in surprise; it was Archer who Annie was making a deal with.

"Of course I am!" came Annie's reply "the Yoai Fans won't fail!"

PurpleMonkey recoiled in shock, nearly losing her grip on the warehouse. "Yoai fans" he whispered, losing her grip on Tucker and the katana "I've got to tell Beth and find IH!"

As PurpleMonkey climbed up, Tucker landed on the ground and the katana broke in two pieces as it hit a metal beam, the point of the sword lodging itself in tucker's head and the other piece in his family jewels.

If PurpleMonkey had bothered to look back down at the man she despised, she would have seen the hoard of red eyed squirrels mauling Tucker… again.

* * *

**Annnddd… finished! If you can figure out what Beth figured out, virtual brownies to you!**

**IH's been captured, PurpleMonkey found out about the Yoai Fans and Beth will probably be needing a stiff drink.**

* * *

**OMAKE!**

* * *

Immortal Horse was not happy as she glared at Beth "Why do I have to be captured?" she asked

"Because" Beth explained for the thousandth time, feeling a headache coming on "I'm out of here and you set yourself up for it!"

PurpleMonkey snorted "At least you don't have to use a katana!" she leaned back in her office chair

Al looked at them "What's Nutella?" he asked innocently as he finished reading over the plot

The three Authoresses gasped in unison

"You don't know what Nutella is?" IH asked, her eyes wide in shock "You, poor, poor, deprived child!"

Beth produced a jar of Nutella from her bag and several small plastic spoons "here" she said, unscrewing the lid and passing them [the spoons and Nutella] around.

As IH watched all the FMA cast enjoy the chocolate hazelnut spread, she whispered to PurpleMonkey "I can see no way how this can go wrong."

OOO

Only an hour later, everyone sat around the table, only most of them were covered with bruises, had broken limbs and overall looked like a wreak. With a triphumant Kain Furey holding the Nutella jar

"My precious!" he cackled, rubbing the jar "Furey won't allow anyone to touch precious again…"

Beth looked at the man "I think we need to stage an intervention" she said as they watched him quote LoTR (despite the fact he hasn't even seen the movies or read the books)

No one had any objections.

"What's a s'more?" Al asked, he looked at IH who groaned as Beth passed around some s'mores.

"Here we go again…" IH sighed as another fight broke out for the last s'more.

* * *

**Moral of the Omake? Never, ever give FMA characters chocolaty goodness.**


	10. Hawkeye: Death by Ulgy Unicorns

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. **

**I'm going to need some OCs for the sequel, see the bottom AN for more details!**

**Many thanks to **Eddy-kin** for suggesting Hawkeye's death by ugly unicorns!**

**Now if y'all will quit glaring at me like that…**

…

~The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters~

* * *

-PLOT and Hawkeye: death by ugly unicorns-

* * *

Beth hurried out of the portal; she glanced around the hallway before running into the Fact Room.

The older girl sighed in relief and put down her map of central before picking up the request form. Her eyebrows shot up

"Death by ugly Unicorns?" Beth asked out loud "the strangest things…" she muttered under her breathe while wondering where, in heaven's name, she would get the unicorns from.

Beth signed and pulled a laptop out of her bag; after all, Ebay had _everything_.

* * *

PurpleMonkey wanted to blow something up, she couldn't; it would attract too much _wrong _attention

"Yoai fans" she groaned, running her left hand through her hair "why does it have to be Yoai fans?!" Now PurpleMonkey really wanted to blow something or someone up. But she continued to pace of the roof of Central Command.

The leader of the Crimson Destroyers sighed once more before sitting down and taking out a bomb to fiddle with.

"If Archer is backing them up… then he must has an alternative purpose…" PurpleMonkey mused before a swirling purple and black portal opened up above her and Beth came tumbling out.

Just before the heavy set girl landed on her, PurpleMonkey quickly rolled over.

"Owww! My poor nose!" Beth groaned, her voice slightly muffled as she had landed face down on the roof

"Hello Beth" PurpleMonkey greeted the girl "What'cha doing here?"

Beth looked up, her nose bruised "but… how?" she spluttered, looking around "I was in the Fact room"

"You had IH's portal" PurpleMonkey pointed out, putting the bomb back into her bag

Beth's eyes widen "That means something happened to her!"

* * *

IH relaxed against the ropes that were trying her to the chair, as clichéd as they were; ropes were really effective.

She looked to her left (or what she thought was her left

She frowned in concentration as she tried to use her Authoress Powers to make her teleport out of the ropes instead of on the ropes themselves.

"Not gonna happen~" IH heard an annoying sing song voice before she felt the ropes being reinforced with something

IH flinched as the ropes dug into her skin "What did you do?" she half asked, half demanded

"I only reinforced the ropes with my own Authoress Power" the person responded and IH's eyes widen

"Aw crap!"

* * *

Beth and PurpleMonkey sat across eachother at the table in the Fact room. The table was overflowing with maps, requests and various other papers.

Beth spread out the map on top of the papers; PurpleMonkey looked at it in confusion

"Beth? Why were you attempting to draw a transmutation circle on this map?" the brown haired girl asked

Beth facepalmed "Didn't you watch FMA: Brotherhood?" she asked

PurpleMonkey shook her head "Nope, I only watched the episodes with Kimblee in them."

Beth looked at PurpleMonkey and groaned "It's a city wide transmutation circle" she explained, getting out of the chair. Beth frowned as she began to pace, muttering to herself "I don't think it's complete but why?"

PurpleMonkey looked at the map "They're missing the blood crest in the north of the city" she pointed out "That'll be where the transmutation will be activated. Whoever is activating it will need to have a lot of power behind them."

"But why? Something on that scale will need the use of a Philosopher's Stone!" Beth added in two cents "Or…" She trailed off, suddenly realizing something "OH CRAP!"

* * *

A tall, green haired figure frowned as she checked her phone; Beth and PurpleMonkey were busy and IH was captured.

"Why do I have to do the dirty work?" she mumbled as she summoned a rather ugly unicorn from Truth-knows-where.

The unicorn looked at the figure in confusion before pawing at the ground and whinnying.

"Kill Hawkeye" the figure commanded "Then go back to where you came from."

The unicorn only snorted before running off

"I hate dealing with assassin unicorns!" The figure groaned before continuing on her way.

* * *

Hawkeye was walking home when she felt a sharp pain in her chest. Hawkeye looked down to see the point of a horn sticking out of her chest, blood blossoming around it.

Her only thing that ran though her mind was 'how long am I going to be knocked out?' before everything went black.

* * *

**And fin!**

**Alright, so the green haired figure was added completely impromptu and Beth and PurpleMonkey have nearly finished figuring what in heaven's name is happening. Are you?**

ValleyOfDeath**: ehee-hee...I didn't even notice I had put a DW ref in there. Yes, it is "Names have Powers", the Doctor told Martha that in 'The Shakespeare Code'**

* * *

**OMAKE: Song fic… sort of**

* * *

IH padded out into the ballroom that served as the stage for their parody a couple chapters ago

"Why are we here at this hour?" Beth yawned, coming after the Authoress "I need my beauty sleep!"

"_WHHHAAATTT'S ON THE MENU?"_ PurpleMonkey sang, she leapt from one of the balconies and landed on IH

"_Food! Glorious food! Wonderful food!"_ IH sang, though her voice was somewhat muffled

"You two are weird" Beth decided

"_Now Chicken and Dumplings are mighty, mighty fine, but there ain't nothin like a watermelon vine._" PurpleMoney added

"_Found a peanut, found a peanut, found a peanut just now_" IH shot back, grinning widely

"_So cheek to cheek and jaw to jaw, we sipped that cider though a straw_"

"_A Burger King! A Burger King! Long John Silver's and a Burger King!_"

"_Dough: I use to buy my spirite, ray: the guy who pours my spirite_"

"_I am little acorn, small and round, lying on the cold, cold ground. Everybody steps on me; that is why I'm cracked you see._"

"You got that right" Beth muttered

It was at that moment when both girls turned to her and sang "_Don't give me no pop, no pop._ _Don't give me no juice, no juice; just give me that milk, moo, moo, moo. Just give that milk, moo, moo, moo._"

Elsewhere, Edward went on another rant about milk.

* * *

**Alright, can you guess the names of all the songs that PurpleMonkey and IH sang? I'll give you a hint; there're all camp songs!**

**Yes, I am super excited for Girl's Camp coming up in about 2 weeks!**

**But anyway, for the sequel to this story, I need 7 OCs, and not just ANY OCs, I need MARY SUES! *gasp* ooh… scandalous!**

**But seriously, PM me with this form filled out;**

**Name:**

**Type of Sue:**

**Gender:  
Personality:  
Hair/eye:  
Weapon of choice:**

**I need a Gary Stu, a Mary Sue, an Einstein sue, a Jerk Sue, a Relationship Sue, a Sympathetic Sue and a Villain Sue.**

**THANK YOU!**


	11. Tucker: death by Justin Bieber

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. **

**I'm going to need some OCs for the sequel, see the bottom AN for more details!**

**Many thanks to **the soul alchemist 15** for suggesting Tucker's death by Justin Bieber!**

…

~The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters~

* * *

-Tucker: Death by Justin Bieber-

* * *

"So, you're saying we're screwed because the Yoai Fans are creating a city wide transmutation circle to create a Philospher's stone?" PurpleMonkey clarified to Beth

Beth looked at PurpleMonkey, confused "Yoai fans? Who said anything about Yoai fans?"

"I sorta overheard Annie talking to Archer, something about plans." PurpleMonkey told the older teen

Beth nearly swore "as IH would say; Oh sweet mother of Arceus!" she told PurpleMonkey "looks like we have to bring in the cavalry."

* * *

The Green haired figure walked into the warehouse, her dark eyes glinting. With a snap of her fingers, the ropes came loose off Immortal Horse.

"Who's there!" the brown haired Authoress called out, her voice slightly panicky

"YOU!" The green haired figure turned around to see someone she hadn't expected

"Hello Annie, It's been forever." The green haired women said pleasantly

Annie sneered "Forever is far too soon. Came to save your favorite _pupil_?" she asked, her voice dripping with venom at the last word

"I saw the signs Annie" The figure told her, ignoring Annie's comment "You were trying to turn her over to the Overlords!"

Annie glared "I was only doing what I can to survive! You know the Unspoken Rule!"

"At the expense of a fellow Authoress?"

Both women were glaring at each other, with a fling of her hand; Annie created a spear that pierced IH's right thigh, spelling her blood on the ground

The green haired women frowned at this "So you would betray me? The women who taught you everything you know?"

Annie smirked as she crouched down; ready for a fight "I think you already know the answer to that LadySmugleaf."

The figure, LadySmugleaf raised her right hand "Then you had best prepare yourself DragonessAnnie!" and the two began their duel.

* * *

The tension was thick; PurpleMonkey could tell as she watched Beth try to rally the group in front of them.

"You do know that a good portion of the Crimson Destroyers are Yoai fans, right?" PurpleMonkey mentioned to the increasingly frustrated Beth

Beth glared at the brown haired girl "NO!" she snapped "Why didn't you tell me sooner?"

Giggles could be heard from the group

PurpleMonkey only shrugged before whistling "OY!" she called, gaining everyone attention "Who wants to bow something up?"

Everyone cheered

"LET'S BLOW 'EM UP!" one fangirl yelled

PurpleMonkey turned to Beth, who simply said "I'm going to shoot your head off"

It was then they saw, heard and felt an explosion go off at the north side of central.

Beth shivered "Can you feel that?" she asked "It has begun." With that being said, Beth knelt over, her life forced drained.

"Well… crap"

* * *

**Well… that was sort of short… BUT don't worry; Tucker will die… in the Omake!**

**So I revealed that Annie is an authoress by the name of DragonessAnnie (No, she is only an OC, if anyone else has the penname DragonessAnnie, I apologize).**

* * *

**OMAKE!**

* * *

The first thing Tucker noticed was that he was blindfolded, the second thing he noticed was that someone was singing terribly and the third thing he noticed was that he was tied to the chair.

"'_baby, baby ohh…_'" was ringing in his ears and Tucker was sure that he kept hearing that same line over and over and over and over again. There was no pause or anything.

*five hours later*

PurpleMonkey and Beth stepped into the warehouse to see Tucker, laying limp against the rope, dried blood on his face and running down from his ears; his left, blood encrusted, earbud dangling from the cords and onto his lap.

"Well…" Beth said "he's dead. Let's go rally the fangirls."

* * *

**Well… that escalated quickly.**

**So I have 6 sues! All I need is a relationship sue!**

**Many thanks to;**

PurpleMonkeyCAY** for her/his sues; Haru and Kiki**

OMGCrackkz **for her/his sue; Meng Yao**

Dfire** for her/his sue; Sydney**

SapphireClaw **for her/his sue; Sapphire**

**AND**

ValleyOfDeath **for her/his sue; Johnny Dart!**


	12. The Promised Day V2

**Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot. **

**Many thanks to **EeveeAlchemist **for suggesting Tucker's death by Philosopher's Stone and to **Cha0T1cPeace f**or suggesting that Bradley die!**

…

~The Many Deaths of Various FMA Characters~

* * *

-The Promised Day V2.0-

* * *

Annie blinked before groaning. She put her right hand on the ground and pushed herself up, struggling to her feet. Wobbly, Annie made her way over to the form of her former mentor.

"So" the blonde murmured as she created a sword "This is how it ends LadySmugleaf."

"NO!" A shout interrupted her. Annie jumped back as IH lunged forward, a katana in hand. "You will not hurt her!" the brown haired authoress proclaimed, glaring at Annie fiercely; an obvious desire to protect her mentor.

"Where did you get that sword?!" Annie demanded of IH, the leader of the Yoai fans silently cursing about forgetting to reinforce the block on IH's power.

IH sneered as she crouched; ready for a fight "I created it, duh!"

At her fellow Authoress' words; Annie's eyes widened "YOU FOOL!" she yelled; Annie wasn't blind. She knew then dangers that IH brought wherever she travelled "You doomed us all!"

* * *

PurpleMonkey got to her feet shakily, she looked over at Beth's form before walking over, unsteady on her feet.

"Beth" the brown haired teen said before crouching "Beth! Get up!"

Beth groaned in response before opening her eyes "Did anyone get the number of the truck that hit me?" she slurred.

PurpleMonkey groaned before whacking Beth upside the head "Get up!" she ordered "We still have people to blow up!"

Beth rubbed her head before glaring at PurpleMonkey "What did you do that for!" she demanded, sitting up.

"We need to find the Yoai fans!" PurpleMonkey explained impatiently "before they traumatized the FMA cast too much."

Beth scrambled to her feet "We have to hurry then!" the teen said, quickly pulling her auburn air into a loose ponytail

PurpleMonkey nodded in agreement and turned towards their fangirls who were beginning to stand.

* * *

-A few minutes earlier-

* * *

Envy was heading to the cafeteria when Wild Yoai Fans appeared!

"There he is!" one girl screamed "Get him!"

Envy gulped and ran away; he had never really gotten over his fear of those demonic, evil, devil spawns.

As the hoard of fangirls chased after him, Envy was turning a corner when he felt the power of his philosopher's stone being drained away.

As the world became dark, the homunculus swore.

* * *

-Present time-

* * *

Annie glared at the brown haired teen "Have you forgotten Immortal Horse? Did you really think that the presence of so many more Authoresses would mask YOUR power? They have been tracking it for so long now Immortal Horse. Your very presence threatens your fellows!"

Immortal Horse glared back at Annie "I made my choice!" she growled "why should I be scared to run from Them?!"

Annie wanna to rip her hair out and scream, but settled for letting loose a mocking laugh "Oh how naïve!" she cawed "You really don't know the extent of Their Wrath?" But she sobered at seeing IH's rather confused expression "You are a fool to call Them to your presence and then expect to come out alive! But when They have you at Their mercy, do not expect anyone to recuse you!"

With that being said, Annie disappeared in a cloud of smoke; she had to get the Yoai Fans out before They came.

* * *

PurpleMonkey growled as she tossed another bomb at the incoming Yoai Fans; they had found their opppments just outside central command.

"There are just too many Beth!" the bomb happy girl yelled as she pulled out some T.N.T.

"We have to keep fighting PurpleMonkey!" Beth yelled back as she chose scissors against another Yoai Fan

The two sides warred on, sometimes a Yoai fan won, or sometimes a Resembool Ranger won. Naturally, the Crimson Destroyers just blew everything up.

In other words; it was organized chaos.

PurpleMonkey was about to toss another bomb when Annie appeared, clutching something in her right hand "I have it" she said, her voice carrying over the battlefield "Let's go." Then in a moment of utter clichéness, all the Yoai fans disappeared in puffs of smoke.

Everyone just stopped and stared at each other in confusion

"Okay" Beth said "what in heaven's name just happened?" she put down her readied fists and looked around

"Something must have happened for all the Yoai Fans to clear out" PurpleMonkey pointed out, ambling over to Beth whilst disarming the bomb she held.

"I don't like that PurpleMonkey!" Beth hissed she threw up her hands "And we STILL have no idea where IH is!"

"Let's face it Beth – There are really two reasons for them to clear out when they obviously had the upper hand" PurpleMonkey pointed out "One is that they were chased off by some other group of fangirls which means we have more problems to worry about or two…"

"…They were chased off by Them." Both girls looked at each other in horror before Beth started yelling out orders

"I want EVERY fangirl out of here STAT!" Beth yelled, cupping her hands to her mouth to amplify her voice "I don't care where you go! JUST LEAVE THE FMA WORLD!"

The funny thing about when you yell out such orders is that panic _always_ ensures.

Purplemonkey was looking in bemusement as the fangirls began to run around like headless chickens as she told Beth "Saying that wasn't your brightest idea Beth"

Beth turned to glare at the younger girl "I kind of figured that PurpleMonkey!" she snapped before turning her attention back at the crowd as a plan of action came to mind.

* * *

Bradley was on his way to the office when a random 17 year old girl ran into him, knocking him into the ground. He would have said something but the teen was already out of sight.

Just as he was getting up, another teen crashed into him, and then another and then another. Before he knew it, a bunch of teens were trampling him and screaming.

Later that day, Ed and Al would stumble across him when they were heading for lunch… and when the Führer awoke three days later… the monocle drawn in a sharpie still hadn't come off… but that's a story for another day.

* * *

**To Be Continued…**

* * *

**Aren't I cruel? Don't worry, I plan on putting up the squeal soon – You'll find out who They are soon enough!**

**I still have two people to kill off; Winry (don't kill me… please… I want to live to go on my first date… which I haven't yet *sigh* and it was a reviewer's idea!) and Kimblee.**

**I'm sorry if this chapter is a bit confusing; let me run down for y'all who are scratching your heads.**

**-The block from IH's power is removed and IH attacks Annie**

**-IH uses her powers and freaks out Annie**

**-the fangirls go to war**

**-Envy is killed via Philosopher's Stone**

**-Yoai fans go away w/ Annie**

**-fangirls freak out**

**-Bradley is killed via fangirls**

* * *

**Don't forget to review! They are the Elixir of Life on FanFiction!**


	13. Teaser: The Oncoming Sue

Sadly, I do not own Fullmetal Alchemist. If I did, Hughes would still be alive and Archer would have died a painful death. I do however own this idea and plot.

**So! The last chapter… not really, this a teaser for the sequel; The Problem With Fanfictions! **

**The first chapter is up so go and check it out!**

* * *

Teaser: The Oncoming Sue

* * *

For the record, it was a very risky idea. IH decided; she knew she had only moments before They raised the shields around this world.

Shaking those thought away, IH continued to try to send the message; They were coming.

"It's pointless, you know" She heard LadySmugleaf comment behind her, IH was about to snap a retort when her mentor continued "fighting against Them."

"We can try" Immortal Horse muttered, before turning to the green haired Authoress "How are you here? I thought that you were dead!"

"I was dead… in a sense" LadySmugleaf told her pupil as she walked over to her "I traded my body and soul to Truth for knowledge and won them back in a game of poker."

IH looked at LadySmugleaf, eyebrow raised "Poker?"

LadySmugleaf nodded "Yeah, me, Truth, Al's body and a couple of the homunculi played poker every other day. By the way, don't play poker against Truth; like Greed and his ultimate shield, he has the ultimate poker face."

The sound of a palm hitting a forehead was IH's only response.

* * *

Thirteen figures, cloaked in different colors, and a cow sat in a circle.

The red clad figure who sat in the middle of the group rose "Fellows" He said "Today we have received word of Immortal Horse's location."

Whispering broke out through the group until the figure raised his hand for silence

"The World of Fullmetal Alchemist has been harboring her."

Several of the figures glared at the cow; who shifted in her seat uncomfortably

Another figure stood up, she smoothed her yellow cloak "I propose we send the Sues after her" she stated

The red clad figure looked at her "All seven?"

The yellow cloaked figure nodded "yes, they are sure to succeed."

The red clad figure nodded "Do as you see fit. As it is Written, so it shall be Done!" with that being said, the figures disappeared except for one clad in blue

"Soon" she murmured "_soon_"

* * *

**Til next time! Yes, there is a DW ref in this teaser. A virtual cookie to you if you catch the ref and guess correctly who the cow is!**

**Immortal Horse out! **

**Ooh… wait one moment, I'm going to need more OCS! I know, I know. But I don't want any new OCs, I want OCs that appeared in already in any of your stories from any fandom.**

**Just fill a standard OC form and PM it to me or leave it in a review for The Problem With Fanfictions.**

**Now Immortal Horse out!**


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